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THE FAMILY CORNER

CAREER DEVELOPMENT & RESOURCE CENTER

FOR FAMILIES

(PLUS OTHER RESOURCES)

 
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THE CORNER STORE

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BE YOUR TEENS CAREER COACH

COPING WITH JOB LOSS

BOOKS FOR KIDS AND TEENS 

HELPS & HINTS

THE FAMILY FORUM

FOR HOME SCHOOL PARENTS

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SELF-ASSESSMENT LINKS

JOB LOSS SURVIVAL GUIDE
Have you, a member of your family, or a friend been laid off? This can help you cope.
_______Find out more

(Also view it using MSWord and save or print if you like)

JOB SEARCH TOOLS
A collection of links to help you in your job search.
_______See more

Conflict Resolution Skills Help Families Grow Stronger

For more, see the BOOKSHELF

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THE FAMILY CORNER'S "HELPS & HINTS"

  • Working with Kids
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Get More Helpful Information From:

BOTTOM LINE WEB SITE
(I subscribe to both the Bottom Line Personal and Bottom Line Tomorrow magazines. I think they're great! No ads, just great information of all kinds -- self-improvement, investments, family, travel, and more. You can even get 6 free issues to find out for yourself.
_________________Jim Davis)

Also, take a look at

BOTTOM LINE SECRETS WEB SITE
and
BOTTOM LINE'S MOST USEFUL WEB SITES

FAMILY RESOURCE LINKS

FRANKLIN-COVEY FAMILY ARTICLES

JON'S HOMESCHOOL RESOURCE PAGE

INSPIRATION & MOTIVATION


"HOW-TO" LINKS

Learn to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

By Jim Davis

Teens can be super-sensitive about criticism. The fact that you are going to need to give them criticism makes this a particularly difficult issue. Learning how to take criticism and to use it constructively is a major part of growing into a responsible adult. Even when the criticism is not justified.

You are probably never going to intentionally give unjustified criticism, at least not from your perspective, but don't expect your teen to see it that way. Parents tend to react in one of two ways, usually. The first is to argue, with no decision being made. This often results in the parent giving in just to stop the argument. The second is to exert authority and force "agreement." This may bring about the result that the parent wants, but it may also do lasting damage to the relationship. A third method that can be much more productive is to discuss the issue as if there is at least a possibility that you are wrong.

In my opinion, this third method offers much more than the opportunity to convince your teen that you are right. It also provides you with the opportunity to back down "gracefully" if you (gasp) realize that you were wrong. In addition, whether your teen decides that you are right, you realize that you are wrong, or you both just "agree to disagree," you are helping your "child" to become an adult. And, agreeing to disagree does not necessarily mean that you reach an impasse. It may result in you exerting your authority and making a "ruling," but even that can help build a better relationship between you both. I made more than my share of mistakes in raising my kids, but one success I had demonstrates this.

My older son, Ralph, wanted to do something (neither of us can remember what it was now) that I didn't think was appropriate. We talked about it for some time, but it was obvious that neither of us was going to change his mind. So, I simply said, "I know you think you are right about this. But I don't, and I have an obligation to you that keeps me from giving in this time. As time goes on, we may find out that I was wrong. If that happens, I'll tell you I was wrong. I'll apologize. And, I'll do anything I can to make it up to you. But, right now, I have to do what I believe is the right thing."

He still didn't like my decision, but he decided that he could accept it.

A funny thing about this story is that neither of us can remember what the disagreement was about or who ultimately was right. We do remember the conversation we had, though, and we both learned from it.

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